Rav Moshe Hillel Hirsch Speaks Sharply Against Drunkenness at Weddings
Rav Aharon Yitzchak Berenzweig, maggid shiur at Yeshivas Mir, visited the home of Hagaon Rav Moshe Hillel Hirsch, to seek clear guidance on a number of pressing questions raised by bochurim in recent times.
At the center of the meeting was a phenomenon that has become increasingly widespread in recent years: excessive drinking at weddings. Below is the full dialogue from the conversation from the Rosh Yeshiva’s home on Rechov Harav Sher in Bnei Brak.
Rav Berenzweig: There are several questions that bochurim have asked me, and I need clear guidance. First of all, there is a phenomenon now at weddings where bochurim have recently been drinking hard liquor…
Rav Hirsch: This has already been going on for several years. Several years already, yes.
Rav Berenzweig: Sometimes it even leads to damage. Many times they reach actual drunkenness.
Rav Hirsch: Yes, yes, it’s been going on for years already. This is not something new. It’s at least eight years already.
Rav Berenzweig: Still, the bochur says: first of all, I want to learn how I can overcome the pressure from the group.
Rav Hirsch: Who is the group that’s pulling him? It’s his friend, not some outside crowd.
Rav Berenzweig: It’s not an outside crowd. Whoever goes to a wedding, it’s usually his friends, bochurim.
Rav Hirsch: So they’re pulling him along. So what is the question?
Rav Berenzweig: How can he overcome it? How can he stand up to the group?
Rav Berenzweig: In general, this whole phenomenon pains me very much. I wanted several times to speak about it, because it’s something that doesn’t fit, especially for Shevet Levi.
Rav Hirsch: I think that a bochur, before going to a wedding, should open Mesillas Yesharim and learn Mesillas Yesharim for five minutes—what his purpose in life is, why he is here in the world, to cling to Hashem. In everything, to think about this. Then go to the wedding. Then he can’t drink; he can’t get drunk.
Rav Berenzweig: Meaning, beyond the regular seder of mussar, he should learn before he goes to a wedding?
Rav Hirsch: Yes. To remind himself who he is—who he is—that he is a Jew, that his purpose is to cling to Hashem. He is not just a random person. He is a Jew. He should remind himself of this.
Rav Warschauer: A bochur says that it’s simchas chassan v’kallah.
Rav Hirsch: There is no simchas chassan v’kallah in this. If simchas chassan v’kallah meant doing avodah zarah, that also wouldn’t be acceptable.
Rav Berenzweig: How can we prevent this so that the phenomenon really stops?
Rav Hirsch: Through speaking—only through speaking. To say it, to show how cheap this is, how inappropriate this whole thing is. It’s not fitting for a ben Torah. It’s not fitting for a civilized person. A civilized person doesn’t do this. Normal baalei batim don’t do this. Are they worse than this? A person should always be a person—at the very least a simple person with basic yiras Shamayim. All the more so a ben Torah, and all the more so again. You have to show them how this is wrong from every angle. Even a person with no yiras Shamayim at all wouldn’t do this. A normal person doesn’t do this. Kal vachomer a baal habayis with yiras Shamayim, and kal vachomer a ben Torah. This is an outright contradiction.
Rav Berenzweig: That’s what the Gemara says, that “a neveilah is better than him,” someone who drinks and gets drunk.
Rav Hirsch: “Kedoshim tihyu”—the Ramban.
Rav Berenzweig: Even at a wedding?
Rav Hirsch: Certainly, certainly, certainly! There is absolutely no heter for drunkenness!
Rav Berenzweig: So the Rosh Yeshiva is saying that it’s not advisable for there to be too much alcohol at a wedding?
Rav Hirsch: You can drink a little, but that’s it. There is no such thing beyond that. It’s better that there be none at all!
Rav Berenzweig: Now, there are a few more bochurim who asked me. At home, they feel a Shabbos atmosphere. There are homes that create a Shabbos spirit. There are many yeshivos that don’t make an issue out of the Shabbos atmosphere—songs and the like. They finish the meal quickly and go learn. The bochur says: I want to feel more of a Shabbos atmosphere. Can I suggest going home or not? Even though you don’t feel it, these are the sedorim of the yeshiva.
Rav Hirsch: Certainly he cannot go home. The question is what to do—that is the question. But I don’t think the hanhalah would be against having zemiros during the meal, having a short dvar Torah during the meal. You can do small things: there should be zemiros, someone should say a small dvar Torah for five minutes, there could be some kind of rotation.
Rav Berenzweig: Or in his section he could sit with a few bochurim who sing. Even by us in Yeshivas Mir, the Rosh Yeshiva—he should be well, Rav Eliezer Yehuda—he transformed the entire Shabbos atmosphere. The food is upgraded more than ever, and they sing there. It’s something that never existed before. The bochurim tell me: we enjoy being in Mir for Shabbos. But not every yeshiva has this.
Rav Hirsch: Correct. At the very least, upgrading the food is certainly a good thing if it’s possible to convince the hanhalah. But even without that, zemiros can certainly be done, and also some dvar Torah.
Rav Berenzweig: Even just for himself.
Rav Hirsch: But there can also be groups—small groups.
Rav Berenzweig: Now, there are two bochurim who asked me: if something damaging happened in their room, that they saw a form of corruption by a friend. We once asked the Rosh Yeshiva…about whether to go to a staff member. The Rosh Yeshiva said that if there is a wise mashgiach who knows not to spread it, one can tell him. But now the bochur doesn’t know who to go to. He doesn’t want the other bochur thrown out and then feel guilty.
Rav Hirsch: I think he can go to one of the avreichim and ask who on the staff he can speak to. In Mir I could say who, but I won’t say it here.
Participant: Usually it’s not Mir.
Rav Hirsch: In every place there is some kind of sub-mashgiach or meishiv. One can clarify who that is.
Rav Berenzweig: Meaning, to keep it within the yeshiva, but not necessarily senior staff?
Participant: Ask one of the avreichim.
Rav Hirsch: And that avreich will decide what to do.
Rav Berenzweig: Maybe someone from the community?
Rav Hirsch: No. Not the community. He should go to one of the avreichim in the yeshiva.
Rav Berenzweig: Now, a bochur asked me: he wants to learn Tanach. In yeshivos they don’t learn it. Should he have a rebbi, or when should he learn?
Rav Hirsch: On Shabbos he can learn Tanach with Malbim. If he wants faster, Tanach with Metzudos. If not, Malbim.
Rav Berenzweig: Last question. A bochur says he lacks feeling. Every day tefillah, seder aleph, seder beis—it feels repetitive. He wants renewal, emotion in tefillah, freshness in learning.
Rav Hirsch: Most likely his tefillah is not as it should be. He should learn what tefillah is, why it is avodah. And especially, he should learn Pesukei Dezimrah with Malbim.
Rav Berenzweig: That can be suggested to bochurim who want renewal in tefillah.
Rav Hirsch: Then Pesukei Dezimrah becomes something else, not just words. And in learning, he should try to be mechadesh. When a bochur is immersed in a new question in the sugya, that itself gives him renewal.
{Matzav.com}
