[Video below.] Rav Dovid Ben Pinchas, a longtime Torah educator who suffered the devastating loss of his daughter in a traffic accident and later lost his son in battle against Hamas in Gaza, has spoken movingly about the enduring pain of losing two children, the extraordinary courage displayed by his son, and the emunah that has sustained his family through unimaginable tragedy.
In an emotional interview with Arutz Sheva, Rav Ben Pinchas, who heads the bais medrash at the Bat Yam Yeshiva, described how his family’s suffering has become a permanent part of their lives, even as they continue to find strength in their connection to Hashem and Klal Yisroel.
His daughter, Efrat, was killed in a road accident just five months after her wedding. Years later, his son Avraham, an IDF tank officer who had devoted himself to both Torah learning and defending the Jewish people, was killed during combat operations in Rafah.
Reflecting on the support that has helped his family endure these tragedies, Rav Ben Pinchas emphasized the importance of recognizing that even the most overwhelming suffering need not be faced alone.
“If you are alone, you will not hold up,” he says. “Only when you feel that all of Israel is with you, and of course that the Almighty is with you, can you begin to open your eyes.”
He explained that the posuk describing the Jewish people as children of Hashem assumes an especially profound meaning when a person experiences terrible loss.
“The most natural feeling when disaster strikes is that you are no longer a child, that the Almighty has forgotten you. Yet it is precisely at such a moment that the Torah commands a person to feel that he is a child of God.”
The rav stressed that maintaining emunah does not mean that grief disappears or that the passage of time necessarily makes the pain easier to bear.
“You think that after a year or two you will finally be able to lift your head, but that is not how it works. Suddenly, something takes you back to the events and the moments.”
The memories, he explained, remain present even as life continues, and moments of sadness can return without warning.
“We will always carry it with us, always remember, and it will always be difficult. But that has absolutely nothing to do with the question of faith.”
Avraham Ben Pinchas served as an officer in the IDF’s 46th Armored Battalion after spending years immersed in Torah learning at Yeshivat Ro’eh Yisrael. According to his father, Avraham regarded his responsibilities as a soldier and his dedication to Torah as expressions of the same lifelong commitment to serving Hashem.
“Serving God in the army and serving God in the yeshiva were two aspects of the same thing,” he says.
That outlook was so central to Avraham’s identity that his family chose to commemorate it on his matzeivah, describing his service to Hashem “through Torah and through war.”
Those who served under Avraham encountered a commander who combined determination on the battlefield with unusual sensitivity toward the soldiers entrusted to his care.
One particularly difficult episode came when his close friend, Itai Fogel, was killed in combat. Despite the personal devastation, Avraham understood that his soldiers were looking to him for direction and reassurance.
“His best friend had been killed, and he had to hold everything together,” the rabbi recalls.
Avraham himself narrowly escaped death months before he was ultimately killed.
During a combat operation, an anti-tank missile struck his tank, leaving him seriously wounded. A piece of shrapnel entered his head but stopped short of penetrating his brain.
He underwent surgery and recovered sufficiently to insist on returning to active combat duty.
Only after his death did his family discover that he had continued experiencing headaches following the injury, suffering he had chosen not to disclose to them.
His bravery was also evident during a Hamas ambush in which another soldier was wounded.
Without hesitating, Avraham climbed out of his tank carrying two tourniquets and made his way toward the injured soldier, exposing himself to danger in order to administer lifesaving assistance.
His intervention helped save the soldier’s life.
Afterward, Avraham used the incident as an opportunity to strengthen his soldiers’ confidence, explaining that their actions during the emergency had been appropriate despite the extraordinary pressure they had faced.
His father recalled another practice that reflected Avraham’s approach to leadership.
Avraham had made a personal commitment to tell at least one soldier each week that the soldier had been correct about something. He wanted the men under his command to feel comfortable expressing their opinions, questioning decisions, and pointing out mistakes.
Rav Ben Pinchas said the idea made such an impression on him that he subsequently incorporated the same principle into his own work in chinuch.
The family’s ordeal deepened on Shabbos, December 7, 2024, when Avraham was killed during fighting in Rafah. He was 24 years old and served as a platoon commander in the 401st Armored Brigade’s 46th Battalion. His tank was struck by Hamas anti-tank fire during an operation in southern Gaza.
Avraham had spoken with his family on Friday, informing them that he was about to participate in an offensive operation and expected to contact them again after Shabbos.
It would be their final conversation.
When military representatives arrived at the Ben Pinchas home in Haresha on Shabbos afternoon, Rav Ben Pinchas and his wife understood that something terrible had happened.
They asked the representatives to return after Shabbos and continued observing the holy day together with their children, who had not yet been informed of their brother’s death.
Following the tragedy, the family began working to preserve Avraham’s legacy through the publication of booklets containing his Torah teachings, personal recollections, and accounts of his character. A Sefer Torah was also dedicated in his memory.
“Our main effort to preserve his memory is through education – preserving the spirit, the character traits and the personality we need to build,” his father says.
The family’s earlier loss had profoundly influenced Avraham’s own outlook on life.
His older sister, Efrat Brener, was killed in a traffic accident near Yitzhar in 2020, only five months after her marriage. She was 19 years old.
Avraham, approximately a year and a half younger than Efrat, had shared a particularly close relationship with her, and her sudden death left a lasting impression on him.
During his military officers’ training, he wrote about how the loss of his sister, together with his childhood experiences in Haresha, had shaped his understanding of suffering, responsibility, and personal sacrifice.
The Ben Pinchas family had been among the earliest residents of Haresha, a community in the Binyamin region that experienced years of legal disputes and public controversy surrounding its establishment and future.
Growing up in that environment, Avraham developed a strong attachment to Eretz Yisroel and a determination to contribute to the security and future of the Jewish people.
His years in yeshiva reinforced those convictions. His father believes that the combination of Torah learning, family tragedy, and the challenges surrounding his community helped produce the remarkable sense of responsibility that characterized Avraham’s military service.
Additional accounts of Avraham’s life reveal that his commitment to learning extended well beyond the bais medrash. Family members and friends recalled a young man with an unusually broad range of interests, who studied everything from technology and economics to military systems and practical engineering.
After joining the armored corps, he devoted himself to understanding the workings of his tank and its equipment, studying technical manuals that other soldiers rarely opened.
He was equally determined to understand the personalities and needs of the men under his command.
According to accounts shared by those who knew him, Avraham even sought advice from his grandmother, a therapist, to improve his interpersonal skills as an officer. He recognized that technical expertise alone would not make him the kind of commander his soldiers deserved.
His concern for others was remembered particularly vividly by an American soldier who served under him. Despite the language barrier between them, Avraham made a special effort to communicate with the soldier and help him feel comfortable and supported.
Avraham also arranged for the soldier to travel home to visit his family, demonstrating the same personal concern that characterized his leadership throughout his military service.
His family has continued hearing such stories from soldiers who served alongside him, many of whom described his willingness to assume difficult responsibilities and place the welfare of others ahead of his own comfort.
Rav Ben Pinchas, who has spent more than twenty years teaching Torah at the Bat Yam Yeshiva, said his own educational outlook has been shaped by the teachings of his rebbi, Rav Dovid Chai HaKohen.
That approach emphasizes the profound connection between Torah, Klal Yisroel, and Eretz Yisroel, a worldview that Avraham embraced throughout his life.
“There is one great Torah,” he says. “The Land of Israel, the people of Israel and the Torah of God – everything comes together as one.”
For Rav Ben Pinchas, continuing to teach and inspire others has become an important part of carrying forward the values that his son lived by.
Yet he emphasized that the ability to speak about tragedy with conviction and emunah should never be mistaken for an absence of suffering.
“When we speak with strength, it does not mean the pain has disappeared,” he says. “Strength exists in one place, while the pain and the struggle continue every day.”
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{Matzav.com}
