Dear Matzav Inbox,
I commend Rabbi Bender for courageously addressing the sub rosa practice that has crept into many of our frum communities known as To’a’meha — gatherings where groups of men assemble on Erev Shabbos to drink heavily and indulge in various mat’amim, all under the pretext of the mitzvah of tasting Shabbos foods in advance. Calling for communities to forbid this practice, Rabbi Bender forcefully decried this behavior and emphasized the damaging impact it has on our children, who watch their fathers arrive at the Friday night seudah in a state of inebriation.
I, too, long for the disappearance of such decadence from our cherished and holy communities. Yet I question whether a rabbinic prohibition alone can truly resolve the underlying issues that drive this behavior. Alcohol misuse functions as a numbing agent, and those who rely on it may be attempting to escape stress, soothe an emotional void, or quell anxiety. While many additional factors can contribute to substance abuse, my decades of counseling adult men in our community lead me to believe that these three motivations are the primary forces behind To’a’meha gatherings.
Consider the burdens faced by men between the ages of 35 and 60: making steep mortgage payments on homes built to high standards in the “right” neighborhoods, paying s’char limud for a houseful of children, financing bar mitzvahs and chasunos, navigating shidduchim, keeping a seder limud, meeting tzedakah obligations, supporting a wife who may herself be overwhelmed by managing a large family, satisfying workplace demands, learning with children, attending simchos, striving for growth in ruchniyus, and more.
When a person feels they are falling short of communal expectations for spiritual growth, or when they struggle to balance the needs of a spouse and many children, an emotional void can develop. The constant pressure of providing for a family can naturally lead to anxiety. For some, the weekly ritual of numbing these overwhelming feelings becomes the coping mechanism of choice — selected specifically because it doesn’t interfere with job performance. To their credit, most men in our community find healthy ways to handle these pressures. But in any large population, there will be those who lean on less constructive methods.
Breaking free from this damaging cycle is especially difficult because the brain learns to associate alcohol with temporary relief. Simply banning the practice, without simultaneously reducing the stressors and offering healthier, acceptable alternatives for decompression, is unlikely to yield meaningful change.
Rabbi Bender has brought a critical issue to the forefront. Now, our community must confront the deeper challenge: reducing the pressures that fuel these unhealthy behaviors and providing constructive outlets that support the well-being of the entire family. I eagerly await that conversation in Part II.
Signed,
A rov for 40 years,
F. B.
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European intelligence agencies, working closely with the Mossad, spent months piecing together a covert web that Hamas had been quietly stitching across multiple countries. Their joint work revealed a broad effort to organize attacks on Jewish and Israeli targets on European soil.
Part of the operation unfolded in Germany, Austria, and additional European states, where coordinated counterterrorism raids exposed hidden stockpiles of weapons and led to the capture of individuals involved in building the network.
One of the breakthrough moments occurred in Vienna in September, when Austria’s DSN security service located a concealed trove of firearms and explosives. Investigators discovered that the stash was tied to Muhammad Naim, whose father, Bassem Naim, is a senior figure in Hamas’s political bureau in Gaza and an associate of Khalil al-Hayya. The findings also pointed to a meeting between the two senior Hamas officials in Qatar around the same time, raising the likelihood that high-ranking Hamas leadership was directly supporting terror operations in Europe.
The broader inquiry has also zeroed in on Hamas activity in Turkey, a location that has long served as a comfortable operational environment for the group. In November, German authorities apprehended Barhan al-Khatib, described as a central operative in the network, after he traveled back to Turkey, apparently following the conclusion of his assignments in Europe.
European officials have intensified actions against Hamas in other spheres as well. Governments have begun shutting down organizations, cultural centers, and religious institutions that were being used as fronts for recruiting and fundraising. These efforts accompany the security operations and signal Europe’s acknowledgment of Hamas’s attempt to expand its footprint across the continent following the attacks of October 7.
“The Mossad continues to cooperate with intelligence services around the world and to thwart dozens of attack plots directed against Israelis, Jews, and civilian targets. These efforts continue as part of its responsibility to counter terror in the international arena and to safeguard the security of the State of Israel and its citizens,” the agency said in its statement.
{Matzav.com}Israeli officials revealed Wednesday night that a focused military strike in Gaza zeroed in on two high-ranking Hamas operatives, the commander overseeing the Zeitoun Battalion and the official directing the terror group’s naval wing. The action, described as the result of tightly held, high-quality intelligence, was intended to neutralize both men, and the source indicated that Israel assesses the operation to have successfully eliminated its targets.
The strike followed an earlier flare-up in the south, when gunmen in the Khan Yunis area fired at IDF units operating nearby. The exchange did not result in any injuries, but the incident immediately drew a sharp response from the military.
“This constitutes a violation of the ceasefire,” the IDF stated. “IDF forces under the Southern Command are deployed in the area and will continue to act to eliminate any immediate threat. The IDF will continue to operate with force to remove any threat to the State of Israel.”
The army emphasized that its posture in the sector remains vigilant, and that any hostile fire will be met with decisive action.
{Matzav.com}With a profoundly heavy heart, Matzav.com reports the tragic petirah of Elchonon Fasten z”l, a 19-year-old bochur from Lakewood, NJ, who was niftar early this morning following a devastating crash and subsequent vehicle fire on the Garden State Parkway in Old Bridge, NJ.
The tragic incident occurred near Exit 120 as Elchonon was traveling from Boro Park back to Lakewood.
Emergency responders arrived at the scene, but the injuries were unfortunately unsurvivable.
In the aftermath of the accident, askaním worked tirelessly, maintaining constant communication with state and local authorities to ensure kavod hameis was upheld in every respect.
Those who knew Elchonon describe a lichtiger bochur whose very presence brightened a room. He carried himself with a quiet sweetness, a gentle temimus, and a sincerity that endeared him to everyone he encountered. Whether in the beis medrash, at home, or among friends, there was a purity to his demeanor, a natural goodness that needed no announcement.
Elchonon was well-liked by classmates and rebbi’im alike, known for his thoughtfulness, his easy smile, and the genuine respect he showed to others. Friends speak of his reliability, his warmth, and the way he made everyone feel valued. His middos tovos were not loud or dramatic; they were steady, consistent, and real.
In learning, too, Elchonon applied himself with quiet determination. He cherished the sweetness of the beis medrash, appreciating every moment he could spend immersed in Torah. His sedarim were important to him, and he approached his learning with the same sincerity that marked every part of his life.
At home, he was a source of pride and nachas, a chiyus, a warm presence, and a beloved son and brother whose caring nature touched those closest to him. His family and friends recall a young bochur with a refined heart, a calm spirit, and a deep appreciation for the people around him.
Levaya details will be released as soon as they are finalized. Kevurah is expected to take place in Monsey.
Elchonon leaves behind his grieving parents, siblings, extended family, friends, and chaveirim, along with a community shaken by the sudden loss.
Yehi zichro baruch.
{Matzav.com}Saudi authorities on Wednesday permitted Saad Almadi, a US citizen from Florida, to finally leave the kingdom and return to American soil — marking the end of a four-year ordeal that began when he was jailed over a series of restrained social-media posts critical of Riyadh.
News of his release broke just as President Trump delivered remarks highlighting the strength of the American–Saudi partnership during a packed schedule of events in Washington with Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman, who serves as both prime minister and the kingdom’s dominant decision-maker.
The Almadi family shared their relief immediately, issuing a heartfelt message saying, “Our family is overjoyed that, after four long years, our father, Saad Almadi, is finally on his way home to the United States!”
In their statement, the family made clear whom they believe deserves credit for the breakthrough. “This day would not have been possible without President Donald Trump and the tireless efforts of his administration. We are deeply grateful to Dr. Sebastian Gorka and the team at the National Security Council, as well as everyone at the State Department.”
The message — drafted by Almadi’s son and leading advocate, Ibrahim Almadi — also expressed appreciation for The Post’s “courageous” reporting that kept the case in the public eye, and acknowledged the backing of several advocacy groups and House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.), all of whom worked to advance the elder Almadi’s release.
{Matzav.com}
