Matzav Inbox: CHANUKAH CHAOS: Why Can’t the Mesivtos Get Their Schedules Straight?
Dear Matzav Inbox,
I would like to raise an issue that is causing tremendous frustration for families with boys in mesivta, and one that could have been avoided with a little communication and coordination between the yeshivos.
I am referring to the off-Shabbos arrangements for Chanukah this year.
For quite some time, the understanding was that many mesivtos would be giving off the first Friday, Shabbos, and Sunday of Chanukah. This made perfect sense. Chanukah is a time when families get together, when grandparents host Chanukah parties, when cousins see one another, and when parents look forward to having their sons home from yeshiva. Having those three days off gives families an opportunity to spend some meaningful time together without interfering too much with the yeshiva schedule.
Naturally, families began making plans accordingly. Chanukah parties were scheduled, relatives were invited, and arrangements were made around the assumption that the boys would be home that first weekend.
But now, apparently, some mesivtos have decided to announce that they will instead be giving off the second Sunday (a day, by the way, that isn’t even Chanukah anymore).
I am not here to debate the merits of one schedule versus another, although I certainly find it difficult to understand the logic of giving boys off on a Sunday after Chanukah instead of during Chanukah itself. My bigger question is: Where is the coordination?
How is it possible that we have so many mesivtos serving the same families and communities, yet nobody seems to have made sure that they are all on the same page?
Does anyone realize what this does to a family with two or three boys in different yeshivos? One son is home the first weekend, another is in yeshiva, and a third might be coming home the following Sunday. When exactly is the family supposed to get together?
And what about the extended family? A grandmother plans her annual Chanukah party for the first Sunday because that is when she was told the boys would be home. She coordinates with her children and grandchildren, perhaps dozens of people coming from different places. Then, suddenly, a few mesivtos announce a different schedule, and half the teenage grandsons won’t be there.
Are the grandparents supposed to move the party? Many people already rented halls and venues. Are all the aunts, uncles, and cousins supposed to rearrange their plans? And if they do, what happens to the boys whose yeshivos are following the original schedule?
The whole thing becomes a logistical nightmare.
And the frustrating part is that none of this was necessary. We are talking about a handful of days on the calendar. Surely, the mesivtos could have communicated with one another before finalizing their schedules. Surely, there could have been some discussion among the menahelim to establish a common arrangement, or at least a general understanding that would allow families to plan.
There is tremendous value in a bochur sitting at his grandparents’ Chanukah party, seeing his cousins, singing together, and participating in the family atmosphere. These gatherings are part of what makes Chanukah so special. They create memories and strengthen family relationships. They should not become casualties of unnecessary scheduling confusion.
I also wonder whether the people making these decisions fully appreciate how complicated family schedules have become. Years ago, perhaps it was simpler. Today, families often have children in several different yeshivos and schools, each with its own calendar. Coordinating a family gathering is difficult enough when everyone knows the schedule months in advance. When the schedules don’t match, it becomes almost impossible.
And what makes this particularly aggravating is the timing. If the mesivtos had coordinated from the beginning and announced a uniform schedule, families would have adjusted. Instead, people are discovering that the arrangements they thought they could rely on are not necessarily going to work.
I understand that every yeshiva has its own considerations, and I am sure the decisions were made with good intentions. But good intentions do not eliminate the need to consider how those decisions affect the families who depend on these institutions.
At this point, much of the damage may already be done for this year. Families will have to scramble, adjust their plans, and accept that some of their sons or grandsons may miss gatherings that were arranged specifically so everyone could be together.
But I hope the hanhalos of our mesivtos will take this issue seriously and establish a system of communication for the future. A little coordination before the calendars are announced would spare thousands of families a great deal of unnecessary aggravation.
Chanukah comes only once a year. Families should be able to look forward to celebrating it together without having to navigate a different vacation schedule for every son in yeshiva.
Is that really too much to ask?
Sincerely,
A Frustrated Mesivta Parent
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