Matzav Inbox: The Screen Problem We Pretend Is Only About Teenagers
Dear Matzav Inbox,
We love talking about kids and screens. Phones are ruining them. Screens are destroying their attention. Technology is poisoning the next generation.
And then we check our phones.
We tell teens to put their devices away while answering messages during supper. We complain about boys zoning out while scrolling through WhatsApp. We warn about addiction while saying, “I just have to check something quickly,” ten times an hour.
Children learn more from what they see than what they’re told. And what they see is very simple: Adults who can’t sit still without a screen.
A father tells his son to focus while his phone buzzes on the table. A mother lectures about limits while reading messages late into the night. A therapist speaks about self-control while glancing at updates between sessions.
Then we’re shocked when kids don’t take us seriously.
We banned phones. We made rules. We gave speeches. But we never looked in the mirror.
Teenagers aren’t inventing this behavior. They’re copying it. They see adults who are anxious without their phones, distracted during conversations, and irritated when interrupted from scrolling. They hear complaints about “this generation,” while watching the previous one refresh group chats over and over.
We say kids can’t handle responsibility. But how responsible do we look when we can’t leave our phones in another room for an hour?
The problem isn’t that teens love screens. It’s that they grew up watching adults love them first.
If we want our children to have boundaries, we need to show them what boundaries look like. If we want them present, we need to be present. And if we want them to believe that phones are tools—not lifelines—we have to prove it with our own behavior.
Otherwise, all our warnings sound hollow. And kids don’t rebel against hypocrisy. They tune it out.
Dovid Nachman
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