SHIDDUCH PHOTO MADNESS: Rav Boruch Rosenblum Blasts Practice of Rejecting Girls Based on Pictures
In a passionate and unusually forceful address, renowned maggid Rav Boruch Rosenblum delivered a scathing criticism of the growing practice of yeshiva bochurim rejecting shidduch suggestions based solely on photographs, warning that the phenomenon is causing tremendous damage to the shidduch world and preventing potentially successful matches from ever being considered.
Rav Rosenblum, whose widely followed shiurim and drashos attract thousands of listeners, expressed outrage over the increasingly common expectation that a girl’s photograph be sent digitally before a bochur will even consider meeting her.
Speaking before a large audience, the maggid questioned how a practice virtually unknown to earlier generations had become an accepted part of the shidduch process.
“This generation has become a madhouse! ‘Send me a picture on WhatsApp.’ Have you lost your mind?! Since when do people make shidduchim through pictures?! Where did this terrible plague that we have in our generation come from?” Rav Rosenblum exclaimed.
He contrasted today’s emphasis on photographs with the approach of previous generations, when young men and women were evaluated through personal meetings and inquiries rather than images circulated on electronic devices.
“Did your father get married through pictures?! Did your grandfather get married through pictures?! If your father had looked at pictures, you would never have been born! He would still be single today!” he declared.
Rav Rosenblum expressed particular frustration with the ease with which promising shidduchim are dismissed, sometimes before a single meeting has taken place, simply because a photograph fails to make the desired impression.
“What kind of madhouse is this generation? People are stuck, ‘Send me a picture… Nah, she doesn’t look right to me.’ What does ‘doesn’t look right’ mean? Since when do we make decisions based on pictures?! When the Torah writes, ‘You shall not make for yourself a carved image or any likeness,’ why are you looking at this thing?” he asked.
The maggid urged the public to abandon the practice altogether, arguing that a photograph cannot accurately convey a person’s appearance, personality or overall impression. He emphasized that a bochur should meet a prospective shidduch in person rather than make a decision based on a static image.
“The first thing we need to do is take this entire practice off the agenda! A bochur needs to meet her and see her with his own eyes! A photograph is not the same as seeing someone in person! Where did we find this terrible phenomenon that is destroying everything good?” Rav Rosenblum demanded.
To illustrate his point, Rav Rosenblum concluded with an account involving the legendary Rosh Yeshiva of Kamenitz, Rav Boruch Ber Leibowitz zt”l, who once suggested a shidduch to a bochur in his yeshiva.
According to the story, the bochur immediately began asking questions about the prospective girl’s physical appearance, prompting a sharp response from the Rosh Yeshiva.
“Rav Boruch Ber suggested a shidduch to a bochur in the yeshiva. The bochur began asking questions: ‘Is she tall? Is she short? What does she look like?’ Just as the meraglim said, ‘Is it fertile or lean? Are there trees in it or not?’ — all the questions that appear in the account of the meraglim.”
Rav Rosenblum continued by recounting Rav Boruch Ber’s response to the young man’s questions.
“Rav Boruch Ber told him, ‘I’m speaking to you about a shidduch, not an esrog! With an esrog, you can ask me whether it’s fat or thin, what color it is. I’m speaking to you about a girl! Ask me about her inner qualities! Who examines external appearances?!’ And that, my friends, is the tragedy of our generation!”
{Matzav.com}
