Matzav Inbox: When Everything Suddenly Becomes Muttar
Dear Matzav Inbox,
There is something deeply disturbing with the way we, as a frum community, enforce “rules.” Everyone knows it. Some are just too afraid to say it out loud. I’m sorry if this letter hurts because it says the straight truth.
We live in a world where every move is scrutinized. Every family, every individual, every institution is judged by the unwritten codes of what’s acceptable. Heaven forbid you should step out of line in hashkafah, chinuch, or social standards. Break one of those “sacred” boundaries and the kannaim and askanim descend like vultures. The whispers start. The meetings are convened. Suddenly, you are an outcast.
And yet, when the topic changes to money—fundraising, tzedakah, business, some new “initiative”—suddenly all those sacred rules that we’re told cannot ever be bent, all the laws of propriety and “communal standards” that are supposedly ironclad, melt away like butter in the sun. What was “assur” yesterday is now “permitted.” What was unthinkable suddenly becomes a “kiddush Hashem.”
We are told constantly that there are red lines we cannot cross. That there are rules meant to “protect us.” Rules that, if broken, bring communal death sentences. But watch what happens when a wealthy man writes a check, or when an organization wants to launch a fundraising drive, or when a tzedakah fund needs to fill its coffers. Magically, the red lines shift. Magically, the rules vanish.
The hypocrisy is breathtaking. A boy can be rejected from a yeshiva because of the color of his father’s shirt, because his parents are divorced, or because his parents don’t fit the exact mold. Families are crushed by decisions that come down from on high in the name of “standards.” But when that same institution needs to raise a million dollars in forty-eight hours, suddenly they’ll parade singers, dancers, gimmicks, shtick—anything goes, so long as the money comes in.
We are lectured endlessly about modesty, about humility, about avoiding gaavah and excess. Yet when it’s time for a fundraising event — locally or across the ocean — nothing is too flashy, no display is too extravagant, no indulgence too out-of-place—as long as it “brings in money.” And the people who a week earlier were policing everyone else’s behavior now beam with pride, slap on the title of “kavod haTorah,” and call it holy.
Ask yourself: When did money become the ultimate heter? When did checks become the key that unlocks every locked door? How did we arrive at a place where breaking rules is unforgivable—unless you can pay for the privilege?
It is quite bothersome to watch how easily we excuse what should never be excused. If an individual dared to cross certain communal red lines in any other context, he’d be destroyed. But if he does it for a fundraising campaign, he’s praised as creative, innovative, even heroic. If a person defies accepted norms in daily life, he’s shunned. If an organization does it to raise dollars, it’s applauded.
The message is clear, and it is poisonous: money sanctifies everything. Hakesef yaaneh es hakol. Money cleanses every stain. Money excuses every breach. Rules are for the little people, for those who don’t have the means to buy themselves out of them.
And so, the very “guardians” of our community—the ones who claim to be safeguarding our hashkafah, protecting our standards, defending our values—become the enablers of the worst hypocrisy. They terrorize the weak while winking at the powerful. They police regular families with an iron fist while giving endless leeway to whoever can sign a check.
We like to pretend we are ruled by principle. But the truth is uglier. We are ruled by money. And the fact that so many people know this and still keep silent only deepens the rot.
It should make every thinking person’s stomach turn. Because once the standard becomes “rules don’t matter if the dollars add up,” then what’s left of the rules? What’s left of the integrity? What’s left of the emes?
A Fundraiser
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