Matzav Inbox: The Bad Breath Crisis
Dear Matzav Inbox,
Why is bad breath the one problem nobody is allowed to mention?
We live in a community where people will correct your pronunciation of a word, your nusach, your shoelaces, or how long your jacket is, but when someone’s breath is so bad it makes standing next to them physically difficult, suddenly everyone becomes polite, silent, and paralyzed.
This isn’t about embarrassing people. It’s about basic derech eretz.
We sit next to each other in shul. We talk face to face at Kiddush. We lean in during conversations. We daven shoulder to shoulder. And sometimes, honestly, it’s unbearable. People are stepping back, turning their heads, holding their breath, and nobody says a word. Everyone just suffers quietly and pretends nothing is happening.
Why?
Brushing teeth is not a chumra. Mouthwash is not a luxury. And checking yourself before going out into public is not asking too much. This isn’t about perfection. It’s about awareness.
What makes it worse is that the person usually has no idea. Everyone else knows. Everyone else talks about it, just not to him. That’s not chesed. That’s ridiculous. If someone had spinach in their teeth all day and nobody told them, we’d say that’s cruel. So why is this different?
We’ll hint. We’ll cough. We’ll open windows. We’ll suddenly remember something urgent and walk away. But actually saying, “Maybe check your breath,” is treated like a capital offense.
And let’s be honest: Sometimes it’s not a one-time thing. It’s constant. Day after day. The same smell, the same avoidance, the same quiet suffering.
This affects shalom bayis, friendships, chavrusas, workplaces, and shul life. People don’t want to sit near you. They don’t want to talk to you. They don’t want to learn with you. And instead of addressing the issue, we let relationships die slowly and silently.
What happened to the idea that caring about someone includes telling them uncomfortable truths?
Nobody is saying to announce it publicly or embarrass someone. But a spouse, a close friend, a sibling, someone, should be able to say it gently and privately. “I’m telling you because I care.” That used to be normal.
Somehow we’ve decided it’s better to let a person go around unknowingly offending everyone than to risk an awkward conversation. That makes no sense.
We expect people to dress appropriately, behave appropriately, and show basic consideration in public spaces. Hygiene is part of that. Not talking about it doesn’t make it go away. It just makes everyone miserable.
So here’s a radical idea: Let’s stop pretending this isn’t a thing. Let’s normalize basic self-awareness. And let’s remember that real kindness isn’t silence. It’s honesty, said with care.
Because bad breath doesn’t just disappear on its own.
And neither does the discomfort when nobody is willing to speak up.
I Can’t Stand It
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