Matzav Inbox: Chesed Wedding Halls – Why Does Chesed Mean Second-Class?
Dear Matzav Inbox,
It’s very nice that some wonderful, generous people have recently decided to build chesed wedding halls in our various communities. Really, it is. The idea is noble: help struggling families make simchos without drowning in debt. But tell me: Why does “chesed” automatically mean small, squashed, and second-rate?
Why, just because someone is paying a discounted rate, does the hall have to be the size of a large shul simcha hall?
Why does the food have to look like it was thrown together by a camp kitchen on a rainy Thursday night — a few leaves of lettuce, a couple croutons, and two cherry tomatoes pretending to be an appetizer? [Evidence: Real photo above.]
Why does the schedule of the wedding have to unravel into chaos, just because the hall carries the holy label of “chesed”?
Let’s not kid ourselves. Millions were spent on these buildings. Millions. Would it really have killed someone to make them the size of a normal, mainstream hall that could comfortably seat a regular crowd? Just something normal? Something where a chosson and kallah don’t feel like they’re making their simcha in a glorified bar mitzvah hall?
And don’t tell me it’s about saving money. The money was already spent! The walls are already up, the hall is already standing. So why the decision to make them sub-par from the get-go? Who decided that people who need help automatically deserve less? Why do we build for them an experience that feels like a cut-rate version of a real wedding, instead of just giving them what every other family has?
If this is chesed, then it’s a strange kind of chesed. Real chesed is about dignity. Real chesed is about making sure the families don’t feel like second-class citizens on the happiest night of their lives. Real chesed doesn’t embarrass. It uplifts. It doesn’t scream “discount wedding.” It says, “Your simcha matters just as much as anyone else’s.”
But instead, we’ve built halls that practically announce: “This is the budget option. This is the place where you settle for less. This is where you celebrate your wedding like a shalom zachor — squish into the kabbolas ponim if you can, clear all the table and amke room for one big circle during dancing, and leave your dignity at the door.”
Why? Why do we do such dumb things? Why do we pour millions into projects that miss the whole point? If we’re going to do chesed, then do it right. Build normal halls. Serve decent food. Run a wedding like a wedding, not like a communal potluck. Give people pride, not pity.
Because at the end of the day, just because I’m using a discounted wedding hall does not mean my wedding has to look and feel discounted. My simcha should be celebrated like anyone else’s — with kavod, with joy, and with dignity. That’s the kind of chesed our community deserves.
A Frustrated Baal Simcha
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{Matzav.com}